Day Three: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Heres a mini background to the answer to this question... For those of you who do not know this my mother passed away about 10 years ago (when I just 16 years old).  We were tubbing on Lake Pleasant in Arizona and we were struck by another boat.  I saw the entire event taking place... I saw the boat coming and tried with all my might to get my mother off the tube (our tubes were a double connected tube).  I slipped away from her due to all the sun screen that was masked over her arms.   Mother died immediately due to a brain hemorrhage from hitting the front of the other boat.
I need to forgive myself because there is still a very small part of me that blames myself for this tragic accident.
We originally planned to go to the lake that day (Monday, Memorial Day 2000- one of the busiest days of the year to go boating) and the night before my mom told me we were not going anymore. I was devastated.  Monday morning I begged, I threw a 2 year-old temper tantrum (yes I was 16 at the time) and I got my way.  We went to the lake.  The driver of our boat (no names, no titles) had been drinking and lied and said he had not to the police.  I packed the cooler. Still to this day, a very small part of me thinks:
1. I should have pulled my mother off that tube in time.
2. I should not have acted like an immature adolescent/toddler only to get my way.
3. I should not have packed the cooler with beer.
These are three things I just cant forgive myself for and because this is a challenge, I challenge myself to start to believe myself when I say "it was not my fault".

Please know that I have done a lot of forgiving of myself already these past 10 years.  8 consecutive years of counseling has helped me get to where I am now in the grieving process.