Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

When I was younger... probably around 5 or 6 years old, my mother and I got in a fight.  Not sure what it was about, but purely out of anger and immaturity, I screamed at her and told her she wasn't my real mom.  (wow that doesn't feel good saying it out loud)  I had no idea how much those words would hurt her.  We do a lot of dumb things when we are younger without thinking of the consequences. Our brains are still trying to grasps those types of concepts, "if I do this, then this will happen".  Needless to say, that is the WORST thing you can tell your mom especially when she has changed her entire life for you and would die for you.  When all said and done, my mom saved me.  Who knows where I'd be if my parents had not adopted me.  I am eternally grateful for them, I just wish I had never said that and made my mother feel that way.  I would take that back in a heart beat!

I did get the chance to tell my mother I am sorry before she passed away.  She was very understanding, but that still does not make it okay that I said such dreadful words.  This is another reason why I make it a conscious effort to choose my words wisely.

Live without regret... say I'm Sorry and say I Love You whenever you can.

  

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

My first and only thought would be to get my ass to Vegas immediately!

Everyone fights with their friends at some point in their lives... it happens, especially with girls.  My best friend, Rachael and I have already been through thick and thin so I know that we would get over our tiff and move forward.  In general though, ever since my mom died, I make a conscious effort to choose my words wisely in case something tragic happens to either one of us.  If I have learned one thing in my lifetime, anything can happen at any moment.  

With this particular scenario, like I said, I would get to where she is immediately, apologize for whatever we are fighting about (no matter who's at fault), give her a big hug and remind her exactly what she means to me.  

Rachael- in case you have didn't already know, I love you so much and miss you to death!  We can go weeks without talking but can still pick up the phone and pick up from where we left off and that's what I love about you!  As we get older our lives will continue to get busier and more complicated, but you are and will always be my best friend- someone I will turn to, listen to, and be there for!  <3  

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Obviously drugs are bad.  Unfortunately, I have lost many friends in different ways due to hard drugs.  A good friend of mine in high school and my good friends father of her child overdosed on drugs numerous times and finally didn't make it.  He was a genius and just went down the right path.  My theory- he was so smart (smarter then any of our friends) that nothing thrilled him... so he turned to drugs for the thrill, got hooked, and lost control.  But again, that's just my theory.  In high school I had a lot of friends who got caught up in that scene.  Some came out of it and some didn't.

Peer pressure was strong in high school.  I was definitely overly exposed to drugs and looking back I wish I was never in those situations.  But it is what it is.  I know that a lot of my friends who experimented with drugs did it not so much of peer pressure but because they felt comfortable doing it for the first time with certain people... made them feel "safe".  I don't know.

I just know that hard drugs are horrible and they take over good lives.  It's an easy out for a lot of people.  It makes me sick when I can tell when someone is on drugs.  To me they are just throwing their life away and probably taking a lot of people down with them.  I just wish that more people would realize that there are other ways to cope with stress, break ups, boredom, depression, sadness etc.  If I had three wishes, one of them would definitely be to get rid of hard drugs around the world!

Day 19: What do you think of religion? or what do you think of politics?

First and foremost, I hate politics.  I wish there was no such thing! lol.  Yes I probably hate it because I don't know much about politics but I just hate that every time it's brought up it turns from a conversation to an argument instantly!  Don't get my wrong religion can be the same way... I just wish people would be more accepting of others opinions.  So that being said, I'll tell you what I think about religion.

I am a Christian.  I believe in God.  I pray.  I believe in Heaven and Hell.  I have faith.  I do not read the Bible (not since I was younger).  I do not take the Bible literally.  I attend church occasionally.

I love the way I was raised.  We went to church on Sundays and holidays.  I was confirmed into my church in 8th grade.  I was taught how to pray every night- not to ask for things but ask for help and guidance- not to ask for Him to solve my problems but to lead me to the right conclusions.  I was raised to look up to God for enlightenment.  This is the way I plan to raise my family.
Praying has pretty much saved my life as I underwent the tragic events growing up.  I am confident that it will continue to help me throughout the rest of my life.  The power of prayer is insane!

I have definitely questioned God and my faith in God when I was put into these horrific situations.  "How could He do this to me and my family?"; "Why is He punishing me?"; "If God was there to do good for people then why would He do this to me?"; "If He loves everyone equally, then why doesn't He love me?"  My faith is in God and I trust that he has a plan for all of us.  It might not be our plan but we can adapt to his plan and see the positive out of the negative.  

I have a lot of family members who have a strong faith in God and the Bible and I'm not going to lie but when I spoke with them through my trials and tribulations, their guidance from the Word was uplifting and gave me hope and contentment.
Like I said, the power of prayer is strong and it works!  So for that, I will continue to pray and believe in God.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Wow... now touching on the controversial subjects within the 30 Days of Truth...

I personally am not against gay marriage.  I can understand that by definition marriage is a formal union between man and a woman but when have we all lived by definition?  By definition love is an intense feeling of deep affection... there is no limitation on who can or can't love, so why should there be for marriage?  A lot the stuff we partake in as humans probably goes against the true definition of a Christian or Catholic etc.  I personally do not follow the Bible literally.  I believe in Faith and in God but I do not live according to everything the Bible says.  I was never brought up that way either.  

I don't think there should be laws and regulations against certain people or groups of people in all aspects- I do not like segregating people.  I don't think anyone should be told what they can or can't do.  Love is love.  No matter what.  Humans are humans.  No matter what.  It's rare to find true love these days so why limit the way people can express it?  

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Ok, so I have thought and thought about this post and had a hard time thinking about my response.  I wrote out an entire list of the books I have read (all the ones that I remembered) and tried to think of ways it had changed my view about anything.  So this is going to be a stretch... and if I think of something better, I might just have to edit and repost :)

Harry Potter series has changed my views on fantasy.
I have never been a fan of fantasy or sci-fi books or movies.  I guess I don't have a very creative imagination so when reading the Harry Potter series, I definitely got to exercise my imagination.  The best part of the books was making up my own mind about how the characters and events were playing out.  I didn't think I would like the movies so I attempted to read the first book of the series.  Immediately got addicted and couldn't put it down.  I haven't read all the books but I have read most of them.  I would like to pick them back up because I still think my imagination is better then the movies. (in my head the books seem less cheesy then the movies)

Another fantasy book I read that changed my views on this genre is the Twilight series.  Laugh if you will, but I loved this series as well.  The movies just didn't do the books justice because once again, I enjoy my reinvented imagination better.
I still think fantasy stuff is lame and can't completely wrap my mind around it all, but maybe I just need to read more and then I can attempt to be ok with it! I'll keep you posted :P

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Note:  This isn't going to hold too much description bc he isn't worth it and its a long, messy, depressing story from beginning to end.  Just trust the words I write.

The person I would definitely live without and wish had never lived with is my ex-stepfather.  I wish he never came into my entire families lives (immediate and extended family).  I hold no respect for this man.  Every time I think about him I cringe.  He turned my entire life around and upside down the day he came into our lives.  I wish I could be there to see the day karma kicks him right in the ass times  TRILLION!  If you done wrong in your life, he has done worse!  Of course I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for certain events that have occurred but he didn't have to be apart of them, especially the way it all played out! He ruined my life and my families life.  
I can't even write anything else bc he makes my blood boil!  I thank God that he is no longer in my life and I pray everyday he never tries to become apart of it again!  I try to see the best in everyone but he has nothing going for him.  I hope he doesn't do what he did to my family to another one.  I can only hope he changes his evil and deceitful ways.  But I will not hold my breath.
What goes around comes around.