Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Dear Self,

I love that you joined this challenge.  I love how it made you dig deep into your soul and into your past.  I also love the response that you got after every post that you wrote.  I love the impression you have made on others and I know that you will continue to make those impressions if you stay true to yourself. I love that you love being 'you' and do not want to change for anyone.  I love that you are up to face personal challenges and go at them 100%.  I love the way you love your family.  I love your outlook on life and try to stay positive through the toughest of times.  I love you strength.  Continue to be strong throughout life's bumps.
Love Always,
Yourself

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I always sweat the small stuff and that is something I hope to change about myself.  The smallest things make me worry and frustrated.  For example, change of plans- if I prepare myself to do what we are planned to do, I don't do well with change of plans.  I get annoyed even though I know I don't have control over the situation and the change of plans is not a life or death change!  Also, when I am used to being on time most of the time, I get irritated when I am left waiting for people (this really is for only a few people...no not you Katy so don't think I am talking about you :) )  I know I tend to freak out (mostly internally freak out), but it's hard for me to let go of the small stuff and move forward.
When I was in college I would freak out over every exam because I would concentrate on what if I do bad instead of just finishing the exam.
I know I have more examples and I could keep going on but I think you all get the point.  We shouldn't let all those little things/annoyances in our lives consume us.  Here is what I need to do to help change this about myself:
~ If I practice patience I will learn to let go of those little things that eat at me.
~ I also know that I need to live in the moment and try not to control everything else around me or even situations that haven't even occurred yet or already happened.
~ There is always a bigger picture and that's where I need to turn my focus to.
 

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

If I got pregnant at this point in my life, I would definitely raise my child.  I am in a committed, long term relationship and I would take full responsibility for my actions.  I am also at a place in my life where I am perfectly capable of taking care of and raising my own child.  I absolutely love children especially my nieces!  There are numerous things I still have planned for myself before having a baby but if it were to happen, I would be elated and focused.  Not saying I wouldn't be scared and nervous because I know how much life changes when you add a newborn to the mix, but I would deal with it and learn how to become a parent.  Thankfully I have a lot of caregiving experience with my nieces so I would be up for the challenge.  I am really looking forward to starting my own family, but it will happen when it's the right time for me.

I just pray that when I am ready and trying for my own family I do not have complications such as infertility issues.  My sister has been through so much to get both of her beautiful children.  So if that were the road that I have to take, then I am blessed to have someone so close to me to hold my hand throughout the entire experience and always show the light at the end of the tunnel.

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

My relationship with my boyfriend, Michael.  Personally, he is the best thing that has happened to me in a while.  He is the most loving and caring person you will meet. He does not have one mean bone in his body.  He always thinks of others but doesn't forget about himself either.
Our relationship posses the main characteristics of a relationship- we trust each other, we love each other, and we communicate.  We also share many similar interests and enjoy each other's company.  We also have similar plans for the future and carry the same morals- that is a huge plus in a relationship.  I am very happy with the way our relationship is going.  We still have so much to learn about each other and have a few things we need to work on, but I am looking forward to growing more and more with you, Michael.  

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Suicide is something that has never crossed my mind.  Even when I was at my lowest of the lows, I never thought about ending my life.  After my mom passed away, I would wake up frequently from nightmares where I did overdose on medications or drank myself to a coma. I truly think that because of those nightmares I was too scared to think about turning those nightmares into a reality.

Every time I hear about suicide especially teen suicide I get very sad.  Too many people end their lives early and mainly for reasons that could have been prevented.  I have always been a very open and out spoken person, so that was what saved me from ending my life.  A few months after my mother died, I went straight to counseling because I knew my mother would not like it if I were to give up.  She never would and would never want me too.
  

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Considering I should have been hit with the same boat mom was I know I have been put on this earth for a reason.  I believe I am still alive today to help people.  Help people deal with their hardships- breakups, domestic violence, loss of loved ones, depression, family alcoholism, and adoption.  I feel strongly about this because I have been through all of these myself and grew from each experience.

I have been through 2 major break ups that were devastating for me at the time but learned to forgive and move forward.  I learned to remember to be true to myself and not to settle for less.  I learned how to mend my own broken heart instead of finding someone else to do it for me.

I have been a victim of domestic violence.  It wasn't anything extreme or even prolonged but it happen.  I was dating a guy who hit me.  Just once, but he hit me right across the face out of anger.  I literally turned around and walked right out of his life without turning back.  I could help people gain that same strength and confidence to do the same thing I did because I know a lot of people who can't and have not.  NO ONE deserves to be hit.  NO MATTER WHAT.  There is absolutely no tolerance for that.

I have lost my mother, my grandmother, my grandfather, and a few friends.  I have learned that God has a plan for everyone.. and even though these people's calendar days were over, they are still living just some where else.

I am here on this earth to also help people learn how to deal with alcoholism within the family.  How to reach out to other people with their problems instead of choosing risky behavior and also help teach people how to live and cope with someone who is addicted to alcohol.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

To this for you mom mainly based on what you mean to me or what reminds me of you:

1. Puff Daddy- I'll Be Missing You (bc I miss you but will see you again)
3. Savage Garden- Truly Madly Deeply (this was our song)
4. Akon- Angel (she is my angel)
5. Carrie Underwood- Mama's Song (a letter from me to you- don't worry about me I found Mr. Forever)
6. Mariah Carey- Hero (you are my hero & we used to listen to this together ALL the time and she would sing horribly and I'd laugh)
7. Sarah McLachlan- Angel (we played this at your funeral bc we knew you loved it so much)
8.  Emelo- Looking on the Bright Side (continually try to look on the bright side of what I have gained since I have lost you)
9. Enya- Only Time (brings me to peace)
10. Leanna Rhymes- How Do I Live
11. Des'ree- You Gotta Be (what you taught me- to be strong)
12. Israel "Iz" Kamakawiwo'ole- Somewhere Over the Rainbow (when I see a rainbow, I think of you)
13.  Christina Aguilera- Fighter  (you were a fighter throughout the the bullshit stepdad put you through)